It's 10 PM and you're doom scrolling social media like always.
Before you dive in: If you prefer listening over reading, I've turned this post into a podcast using Google Notebook LLM.
Your high school friend just posted about their recent promotion to VP. Another college friend is celebrating the birth of their second child. Someone else is sharing photos from their third international trip this year.
And you're not feeling happy.
You know you should be excited for them. These are your friends, after all. But instead of joy, you feel a knot in your stomach. That creeping sensation that somehow you're falling behind, that life is passing you by while everyone else seems to be winning.
If you're like most people, including me at times, you might feel a twinge of something—not quite jealousy, not quite anxiety, but a subtle unease.
That nagging sensation that you're somehow falling behind in life's great race.
But guess what?
There is no race.
I learned this lesson the hard way during my military days. As a young officer, I was constantly measuring myself against my peers. Who got promoted faster? Who received better assignments? Who earned more commendations?
This mindset followed me into entrepreneurship. When I launched my startup, I obsessively tracked other founders' successes. Every funding announcement, every product launch, every media feature became another metric of my perceived inadequacy.
It was exhausting. More importantly, it was counterproductive. Because while I was busy looking left and right, I forgot to look within.
The more we compete with others, the less we achieve for ourselves.
It seems counterintuitive, doesn't it? We're taught that competition drives excellence. And in some contexts—sports, academic challenges, market innovation—it does.
But life isn't a zero-sum game.
Someone else's success doesn't diminish your potential. Your colleague's promotion doesn't reduce your chances of advancement. Your friend's happy marriage doesn't steal from your pool of possible relationships.
Yet when we're caught in the competition trap, we act as if there's a finite amount of success in the world. We become unable to genuinely celebrate others' victories because we view them as our losses.
The shift happens when we realize that true growth isn't about being better than someone else—it's about being better than your previous self.
This isn't just feel-good philosophy. It's practical wisdom.
When you measure yourself against others, you're comparing your behind-the-scenes footage to their highlight reel. You don't see their struggles, their doubts, their setbacks. You're competing against an illusion.
Epictetus reminds us that, “He who busies himself with things other than improvement of his own self becomes unhappy."
But shifting this perspective changes everything. When you compete with yourself:
- Your goals become clearer because they're based on your values, not others' expectations
- Your progress becomes measurable because you know where you started
- Your satisfaction becomes sustainable because it's tied to personal growth, not external validation
The journey away from comparison starts with small, intentional steps.
Begin by noticing your triggers - those moments when scrolling social media or hearing about someone's success causes that familiar knot in your stomach. Instead of pushing these feelings away, use them as signposts pointing toward areas where you might need to redefine what success means for you.
This redefinition is deeply personal.
Write down what success looks like through your eyes, not society's lens.
Review it often, letting it evolve as you grow. When you catch yourself slipping into comparison mode, return to this definition. Let it ground you in your own journey.
The real transformation happens when you start genuinely celebrating others' wins. This isn't just about forcing a congratulatory comment or a like on social media.
It's about truly understanding that someone else's light doesn't dim your own. Their success story becomes a source of inspiration rather than comparison.
You can develop the capacity to learn from everyone around you because you're no longer threatened by their achievements. You begin to see others' successes as proof of what's possible, not evidence of your own shortcomings.
This shift doesn't happen overnight, and that's okay. Some days you'll nail it, feeling genuinely happy for others while staying focused on your path. Other days, you'll catch yourself falling into old patterns. The key isn't perfection—it's progress.
Each time you notice yourself slipping into comparison, you have a new opportunity to choose a different response.
Ask yourself daily: "What would change if I redirected this energy toward competing with yesterday's version of myself?"
Because at the end of the day, that's the only competition that truly matters.
Stay anchored. Stay ambitious.
But most importantly, stay true to your own path.